I am not Canadian


-I'm not unemployed, or smuggling cigarettes across the border.
-I don't eat Pepsi and May Wests for breakfast.
-I don't watch the hockey game doin' it doggy style.
And non, I don't know Claude, Manon or François in Abitibi-Témiscamingue;
but I'm sure dey all 'ave nice teeth.
-I smoke in church.
-I speak Québécois and Joual; not French or Hanglish [sic];
and
-I pronounce it 'turd', not 'third'.
-And eating french fries with cheese makes sense, mon esti;
-I believe in distinct society – as long as someone else pays for it.
-I believe in language police, not equal rights.
-And, calice, I believe that "Club Super Sexe" is an appropriate place for my wife and me to celebrate our anniversaire!
-What da hell, she goes on at ten, anyway!
-In Québec, the Stanley Cup actually comes round more often than Halley's Comet.
-I can get beer at the dépanneur, not at the convenience store.
-And maybe I can't turn right on a red light, but, tabarnac, I can go right through it!
-Because Québec is the world's largest producer of maple syrup, the 'ome of Céline Dion and Roch Voisine;
-The land where everybody is shackin' up, and the legal drinking age is just a suggestion.
-Je m'appelle Guy - and h'I [sic] h'am [sic] not Canadian. (Mautadit tabarnac esti...)
Merci salut la visite!